And They Will Know You Are Christians by Your Advertising

I was driving to work the other day when I saw the Church sign pictured above. You should know I drive by this church every week and every week there is some new statement posted that when I try to think through it logically it just feels like someone is stabbing me in the brain. So, I call my friend Barrett who shares my "can't-look-away" fascination with what is becoming a typical staple in Evangelical culture. For a while he shared an ongoing contest with a colleague to see who could find the most clichéd, ignorant, groan inducing one. Here are some of my personal “favorites”…

“When God Calls Us Does He Get a Busy Signal?”
“God answers Knee-Mail”
“Come on in, it’s Prayer Conditioned.”
“Git-R-Done for God”
“Wal-Mart Isn’t the Only Saving Place”
And maybe somebody can tell me what this on even means,
“When Meeting Temptation, Turn To The Right.”

When I saw the sign pictured above, I just couldn’t go through the usual motions of calling Barrett, laughing about their “arm-chair evangelism” and then moving on with my life. This one deserved some attention.

“It just wouldn’t be Heaven without you.” Huh? What would they say if I asked, “So, if I don’t go to Heaven, it won’t exist?”
Certainly they would have to reply, “No, no, it just wouldn’t be as heavenly,” or, “We would just be sad if you weren’t there.”
Now, I don’t mean to be anti-sentimental here, because I want my friends and family to live forever in God’s Kingdom too, BUT, when and where did we decide the glory of God’s Kingdom, God’s rule, the place and time where there is no other thing going on in our minds than God’s glory, depend on ME!? I don’t understand how Heaven will be any less filled with God’s glory if I’m not there, if you’re not there. God would still be God and Heaven would still be Heaven with the Ruler on the Throne.

Further, when did we decide to start marketing the church? Do we really think that when people drive by our signs, assorted with condescending puns, clichéd simplifications of scripture, and generally nonsensical quips, they think to themselves, “Well darn! That’s so simultaneously clever and poignant that I shall begin attending that there church and get me some salvation!”

You know why mass culture thinks Evangelical Christian Culture is, in general, relatively stupid? It’s really pretty simple. Evangelical Christian Culture is relatively stupid. That’s the only explanation I have for a congregation to put up with the nonsense of statements that essentially communicate that Heaven won’t actually be Heaven if a few people don’t make it.

In what is commonly known as the Beatitudes, Jesus says this…

“Enter by the narrow gate; for wide is the gate and broad is the way that leads to destruction, and there are many who go in by it. Because narrow is the gate and difficult is the way which leads to life, and there are few who find it.” Matthew 7:13,14

Few? If Heaven just won’t be Heaven unless everyone is there, then I guess it’s really going to be a bummer.

Now, I realize that they are essentially trying to communicate the idea that, as a church, they want people to come to repentance, etc., but why not try a different approach, like, say, a Bible verse or two?
I tend to think even that approach is pretty innocuous because you’re presenting Scripture without context, but it’s at least better than what has become typical evangelical drivvle.
And now, if you were with me, you would hear the sound of someone stepping off of their soap box. Thank you.