For those of you who read Dave Hunt and have been following his meltdown and anti-Calvinism crusade will enjoy some humor that David Hughes has written. Keep in mind that Dave Hunt has made the claims that there is a Calvinistic conspiracy against him (conspiracy theories seem to be the rage of the day) and that Acts 1-15 were originally written in Hebrew (his claim in order to get around Acts 13:48).
Here is an imaginary excerpt from an imaginary book about an imaginary conspiracy:
Introduction
A stiff, cold breeze followed him through door, making it difficult for him to close and sending a chill down the spine of Sarah.
“Sorry Sarah”, Hunt said, closing the door and brushing the snow from his shoulders. “Any calls?”
“No Dave, not one. Just a few emails. Expecting any?”
Dave knew that they would come—phone calls, letters, emails, and faxes, all demanding an explanation for the claims he made about Acts 13. But he could not say anything. He could not reveal his source. He promised. He pinky swore.
“Sarah, did you happen to find any other sources for my claims?” he asked as he took off his coat and hung his hat on the hook.
“Yes I did Dave, and I’ve already responded to a couple of emails with the list of scholars I found through my extensive online research.”
“That’s wonderful!” Dave felt deep relief. He now had a response to all the questions and did not have to give up his source.
“But Dave, there was something strange about the list.”
“What’s that?”
“I attempted to contact some of these scholars. It seems that most of them have disappeared mysteriously.”
“What?” Dave felt a chill even though the room was now toasty-warm. “What do you mean they disappeared?”
“Well, they wouldn’t answer my emails. But I did get a response from one of them. His name is Dr. Phillips. He wants to meet with you. Here’s his number.” Sarah handed the sticky note to Dave.
“Why did you try to contact the sources?”
“The plot would go nowhere if I hadn’t.” She said, then continued with her typing.
Dave retreated to his office. The shelves were lined with hundreds of books, most of which he read through the previous week, carefully underlining and taking notes. He peered at the phone number on the note and picked up his phone. He dialed.
“Uh…hello?” The voice on the other end crackled.
“Dr. Phillips?” Dave asked.
“No no. This is Hideaway Pizza. Would you like to order? “
“No no,” Dave Responded. Are you sure this is Hideaway Pizza?”
“Heh. As sure as I am that Spurgeon believed in limited atonement.” The young man said with a laugh.
“Actually, he wasn’t….er..he was……well, at least he was inconsistent. Anyway, sorry. “
Dave looked again at the note. “Oh, that’s a FIVE.” He muttered to himself. He dialed again.
“Yes?” A quiet voiced answered.
“Is this Dr. Phillips?”
“Yes, it is. Mr. Hunt I presume?”
“Yes”, Hunt replied. “You had some information for me regarding the book of Acts?”
“Shhh!” the man said tersely. “Not over the phone! I’ll meet you at the café at the corner of 45th and Guadalupe. Thirty minutes.” The phone went dead.
The drive to the Minuteman Café was a short one, but the thoughts running through Dave’s head on the way over made it seem longer. As he sat in the booth, a small man wearing a dark coat approached and slid into the booth across from Dave.
“Are you Dr. Phillips?” Dave asked.
The man looked around the room, scanning the other tables. The restaurant had few patrons, and the man was scanning each of them with his eyes suspiciously.
“Yes” he whispered. “I am Dr. Phillips. I don’t have much time so listen to me carefully. You are onto something very big. Much bigger than you or me. What you stated in your book is accurate. Who was your source?”
“I can’t tell you that,” Hunt said. “I pinky swore.”
“It was Ted Anderson.” Phillips said.
“How did you…”
“There are only four of us who know. We guard a very important and dangerous secret. There used to be twelve of us. Eight have met with misfortune, including Ted.”
Hunt was shocked. “What happened to Ted?”
“A bizarre accident. A shelf above his desk with the entire set of the Early Church Fathers collapsed on top of him. Poor guy. Those are heavy.”
“I wouldn’t know. Do you think it was an accident?”
“All eight people who have died have met with similar ‘accidents’”.
Hunt was puzzled and now a little frightened. “What information do you have for me?” He asked.
Phillips once again scanned the room carefully. He then slide removed a thin, wooden box from his coat and slid it across the table. “Open it.” He said.
Dave’s fingers fumbled with the latch but at last freed it from the catch. The box was very old, but what was inside looked infinitely older.
“What is it?” He said. There, in the box under a layer of plexi-glass was what appeared to be a fragment from a very old document. It looked as if it were made from fibers in a mesh pattern.
“That, my friend, is what Calvinists don’t want you to seek. It’s what they sought to destroy for centuries. Calvin and Luther tried to destroy all copies. And now a modern conspiracy seeks to destroy what is before you.”
“What is it? It has some sort of gibberish written on it. Is that Greek.”
“No. Hebrew. It is the first five verses from Acts 13, from a document that pre-dates by at least two days the earliest Greek manuscript. ”
“What? I was right? My source was right? That means that the rendering of Acts 13;48…..”
Phillips finished his statement. “….could very possibly although not conclusively be rendered different than that of the modern versions. That is why that document before you could possibly although not conclusively be very dangerous. You must be careful. Now that you know, your life is in danger.”