Redneck Theology

I know most of you may think this is not funny, but for those of you involved in the Calvinism/Arminianism debate,well...humor goes a long way. Alan Kurschner posted "You might be a Red-neck if..." My personal favorite was "you hear someone say Ordo Salutis and think they had too much moonshine."

Thanks Alan

You might be a Redneck Calvinist if…

the church you attend is not seeker-friendly, but cigar-friendly.

you hear “Free Will,” and think about bailing out your cousin “Will” in jail.

your dad uses the double barrel shotgun for his own “effectual calling.”

you think that an Amyrauldian is road kill.

BHT means Barbeque Hogs Tonight.

the only overalls you will buy are made by Calvin.

you compliment your wife with, “God has ordained your voice to sound like a chainsaw.”

your church has justified to include the banjo and harmonica under the Regulative Principle.

your church refuses to call the church picnic a Potluck.

you have the five solas tattooed on your arm.

Cheers,
Alan Kurschner

(HT: Marie, Allan, Sean, Claire )
Posted by Alan Kurschner on 12/16/2005 @ 12:49 am


December 15, 2005
Are you a Redneck Arminian?

You might be a Redneck Arminian if…

you hear “Irresistible Grace” and think of your cousin.

there is a fiddle accompaniment with Just as I am.

your exegesis consists of having 2 Peter 3:9 tattooed on your arm.

when you hear “RC” you think of Cola.

you think that supralapsarian is a newly breed dog.

you possess more Charles Finney books than teeth.

when the preacher mentions that we are but lumps of clay, you think of Mud Bogs.

you hear someone say Ordo Salutis and think they had too much moonshine.

you think “Spurgeon” is something you catch with rod & reel from your brother-in-law’s boat.

when you hear the Institutes you think of where many of your relatives live.

“The Chief End of Man” is where you end up after “The Fall of Man.”

you think that “Limited Atonement” is a single barrel shotgun.

you purchase your Dave Hunt books through the Home Shopping Network.

when you hear “five points” it reminds you of your average monthly reduction in your driver’s record.

you have a bumper sticker on your truck that says, “If there ain’t free will in heaven, I don’t want to go.”

Cheers,
Alan Kurschner